Right now I'm waiting to hear from someone about doing something. If I don't hear from this person, I will take it personally, even thought I probably shouldn't, as there are larger forces than me at work here. It will also be a slight relief, as part of me doesn't want to do this thing, but it would be hard to say no. This relief would, however, be outweighed by feelings of personal hurt. This is vague, but it's about all I can say on this blog.
The larger point being that when I'm in situations like this, waiting to hear from someone about something important to me (including, for example, participant scheduling, which I do talk about), I get so obsessed with waiting to hear from a particular person or persons that I can't concentrate on anything else. I refresh my email constantly, make sure my phone is on its loudest setting and next to me, and worry, waiting for the contact.
This is absolutely counterproductive, and just causes me to stress out more when, say, the email still hasn't appeared after the third refresh in two minutes, or it's say, 7am and I'm not getting phone calls. I know this, and yet I can't do anything else. Ikhs!